by Charlotte

When I first started trying to have my own relationship with God, I did what I thought “good Christians” do.  I read my Bible every day, because that’s what “good Christians” do.  I tried to pray every day, because that’s what “good Christians” do.  I memorized Scripture, because that’s what “good Christians” do.  But God had other ideas; He wanted my heart.

Please don’t misunderstand what I am about to say.  All of the aforementioned disciplines are good things.  All of them are Biblical ways to get to know God better.  God wanted more from me, He wanted my heart.

God blessed all the time I spent reading the Bible.  He blessed my prayers and the time I spent memorizing His Word.  He was with me when my brother died.  He carried me when I had to make life-changing decisions.  He was faithful to me, even when I didn’t do what “good Christians” do.  He would quietly call my name, and ask me for my heart.  I would repent and return to doing what “good Christians” do.

When I first got married, I tried to “encourage” my husband to do the things “good Christians that are married” do.  I wanted us to pray together.  I wanted us to do devotions together.  I wanted us to read the Bible together.  My husband tried to do some of these things at first, but it was so against his character and who he knew God to be that my husband finally said, “No” to my “encouragement”.  I didn’t quite know what to do with this because all my life I had lived by the standard of what “good Christians” do.  Remember, all of these are good things.  I would recommend all of these disciplines to people who want to grow closer to their spouses and to God.  But God wanted more from me, He wanted my heart.

If I couldn’t be a “good Christian” in my marriage, what was the point of trying to be a “good Christian” on my own.  I let my time in the Bible dwindle.  I let my prayers fall to only when I was in a crisis.  I forgot all the Scripture I ever knew (not really, it still comes to mind when I need it most).  None of it mattered to God, because all He wanted was my heart.

Time moved on as time has a way of doing.  I was faced with bigger bumps in the road.  I realized my own strength was weak, at best.  I fell down and got up only to fall down again.  I would get up again and fall down some more.  Until I hadn’t the strength to rise from the dust.  All the while, God quietly called my name, and asked me for my heart.

I read my Bible now, because I desire to know what it says.  I pray now, because I want to visit with Jesus.  I memorize Scripture now, because I like to remember what  God has said to me.  God finally has my heart.